Airport Comedian Gifts

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.

'We don't charge you any extra, but we will hate you,'

Carefree luggage.

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'Flight simulator'

Vampire on a plane

"It's my helper trout!"

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

A signaller directing pallbearers

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

The Problem with the TSA

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

'Sorry sir, the 'No Steak and Lobster Jokes' sign just came on.'

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

Baggage Reclaim

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.