Airport Humor Aficionado Gifts

'Sir, your luggage exceeds the carry-on size limit! It wouldn't be fair to other passengers if I allotted more space for you, now would it?'

Carefree luggage.

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

Vampire on a plane

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

'Yep, another set of incisors that are too sharp for security regulations. You'll need to wear a muzzle during the flight, ma'am.'

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

'We don't charge you any extra, but we will hate you,'

The Problem with the TSA

Two birds refuel.

The first in-flight meal: "Care for some soup?"

'Did you Gack this suitcase yourself, sir?'

Airport Security. Sir, one of your tubs is empty. That one's got my dignity!

Baggage Reclaim

Travel Law #135: Those with window seats are the last to arrive.' People climb over other passengers on an airplane.

Sometimes they need the oxygen mask after they see the new baggage fees.

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

'Don't worry, I have this procedure down pat.'

Two witches at airport waiting with signs: One says 'Dorothy' and the other one says 'And Your Little Dog Too!'

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

What really killed the dinsaurs.

'You've got to admire their candor.'

Uh Oh...

Airport Pickups: Mr. Baines, Vinny and Daisy.

'Hmm, your luggage seems to have been booked through to India.'

"This would be a lot easier if we all didn't look alike"

'Welcome to crash-test flight 000. Go ahead and take your seat!'

Revealing Airport Security

Carr. Smith. Pepper Oni. Gate.