Airport Humor Aficionado Gifts

'Sir, your luggage exceeds the carry-on size limit! It wouldn't be fair to other passengers if I allotted more space for you, now would it?'

Carefree luggage.

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

Vampire on a plane

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"O.K., you're good. Next!"

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

'We don't charge you any extra, but we will hate you,'

The Problem with the TSA

Two birds refuel.

Travel Law #135: Those with window seats are the last to arrive.' People climb over other passengers on an airplane.

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

'Those new airport scanners can see through clothes!'

The first in-flight meal: "Care for some soup?"

Baggage Reclaim

'Don't worry, I have this procedure down pat.'

"We'll now start boarding Group 9... Please remember your inferiority as you walk past the other groups, you cheap, dirty, cretins."

What really killed the dinsaurs.

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

'You've got to admire their candor.'

Uh Oh...

Revealing Airport Security

Airport Pickups: Mr. Baines, Vinny and Daisy.

'Hmm, your luggage seems to have been booked through to India.'

'Welcome to crash-test flight 000. Go ahead and take your seat!'

"This would be a lot easier if we all didn't look alike"