Aero Comedy Aficionado Gifts

'How the heck are we supposed to land on a runway that's upside down?'

'And don't be afraid to ask for directions.'

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Then, to stop the spread, they burned the village and sent me home.'

'Since you're wearing cargo pants, everything in your pockets is considered cargo and subject to a tariff.'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

The Problem with the TSA

'Stealth broom.'

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

Two birds refuel.

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

Travel Law #135: Those with window seats are the last to arrive.' People climb over other passengers on an airplane.

'Sorry sir, the 'No Steak and Lobster Jokes' sign just came on.'

The first in-flight meal: "Care for some soup?"

I brake for Jetliners.

'I went to wash the wheels on that European Airbus A380 by myself. I didn't know it had 22 wheels.'

Penguins going for flying lessons

"You think you're annoyed? The acoustics in here are terrible!"

What really killed the dinsaurs.

"Hey, thanks again for letting me borrow your pen."

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

The FS-2004 has a great new add-on!

I was telling him a story of my granddaughter's wedding.

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'