Flight Comedy Fan Gifts

"Tower to AVX114. . . I don't think the problem's with your altimeter!"

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"Old timers are quick to tell me that the drive to Abilene was different in their day."

'Sir, we're receiving a signal from space. It might be a candidate for possible intelligent alien life!' 'Nice going you ninny, you butt-dialled Earth! Now they're going to know we exist!'

To prevent geese from flying toward its planes, Jupiter Airlines made some key design changes,

1,000 places to see after you die by Shirley Maclaine.

'Then, to stop the spread, they burned the village and sent me home.'

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

The Problem with the TSA

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

Two birds refuel.

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

Spaceman serving shrimp.

I brake for Jetliners.

'Sorry sir, the 'No Steak and Lobster Jokes' sign just came on.'

'Well yes, they sent me into space: But to be perfectly honest, I had no idea as to what was going on...'

First space criminal investigation

A workman ponders a bolt on a track

Travel Law #135: Those with window seats are the last to arrive.' People climb over other passengers on an airplane.

'How the heck are we supposed to land on a runway that's upside down?'

Two witches at airport waiting with signs: One says 'Dorothy' and the other one says 'And Your Little Dog Too!'

"Hey, thanks again for letting me borrow your pen."

I was telling him a story of my granddaughter's wedding.

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

Grim reaper struggles to get his scythe in the overhead locker of an aeroplane.

"And this is my niece. She's four. She'd also love to eat you."

'Next time the captain says to turn off your cell phone, just do it!'

"Sir, you've been downgraded to the baggage compartment."

"No one wants a drink, no one wants a snack...I don't know who I am anymore."

Did you double dip?

'...Every time he goes on the track we have to notify air traffic control.'

Well, whaddaya know, your insurance DOES cover probes. Check-Out.

'I'm afraid we're out of whisky, sir -- the pilot drank it all.'

'Radical snow removal method #23 at the airport.'