Airplane Humor Fan Gifts

'Then, to stop the spread, they burned the village and sent me home.'

Enough talking about me. Tell me about you now. What kind of business are you into?

'Flight simulator'

"Old timers are quick to tell me that the drive to Abilene was different in their day."

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

'Stealth broom.'

The Problem with the TSA

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

Two birds refuel.

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

I brake for Jetliners.

Travel Law #135: Those with window seats are the last to arrive.' People climb over other passengers on an airplane.

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

The first in-flight meal: "Care for some soup?"

'How the heck are we supposed to land on a runway that's upside down?'

Two witches at airport waiting with signs: One says 'Dorothy' and the other one says 'And Your Little Dog Too!'

'I went to wash the wheels on that European Airbus A380 by myself. I didn't know it had 22 wheels.'

"Hey, thanks again for letting me borrow your pen."

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

"You think you're annoyed? The acoustics in here are terrible!"

I was telling him a story of my granddaughter's wedding.

The FS-2004 has a great new add-on!

What really killed the dinsaurs.

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

'You imbecile!! Didn't i tell you to watch our altitude?! / A co-pilot accidentally flies too high ending up in heaven and smacking into an angel