Plane Humor Admirer Gifts

For the chemist on the go: Laptop gas chromatography/mass spectrometer.

'Flight simulator'

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

Vampire on a plane

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Cow Pilot.

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Then, to stop the spread, they burned the village and sent me home.'

'Since you're wearing cargo pants, everything in your pockets is considered cargo and subject to a tariff.'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

The Problem with the TSA

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

'Stealth broom.'

Two birds refuel.

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

Travel Law #135: Those with window seats are the last to arrive.' People climb over other passengers on an airplane.

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

I brake for Jetliners.

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

The first in-flight meal: "Care for some soup?"

'I went to wash the wheels on that European Airbus A380 by myself. I didn't know it had 22 wheels.'

What really killed the dinsaurs.

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

I was telling him a story of my granddaughter's wedding.

"You think you're annoyed? The acoustics in here are terrible!"