Flight Comedy Fan Pillows

"Tower to AVX114. . . I don't think the problem's with your altimeter!"

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"Old timers are quick to tell me that the drive to Abilene was different in their day."

'Sir, we're receiving a signal from space. It might be a candidate for possible intelligent alien life!' 'Nice going you ninny, you butt-dialled Earth! Now they're going to know we exist!'

'Then, to stop the spread, they burned the village and sent me home.'

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

The Problem with the TSA

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

Two birds refuel.

First space criminal investigation

I brake for Jetliners.

Travel Law #135: Those with window seats are the last to arrive.' People climb over other passengers on an airplane.

A workman ponders a bolt on a track

'Well yes, they sent me into space: But to be perfectly honest, I had no idea as to what was going on...'

Spaceman serving shrimp.

'Sorry sir, the 'No Steak and Lobster Jokes' sign just came on.'

'How the heck are we supposed to land on a runway that's upside down?'

"And this is my niece. She's four. She'd also love to eat you."

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

Grim reaper struggles to get his scythe in the overhead locker of an aeroplane.

"Hey, thanks again for letting me borrow your pen."

I was telling him a story of my granddaughter's wedding.

'Next time the captain says to turn off your cell phone, just do it!'

"No one wants a drink, no one wants a snack...I don't know who I am anymore."

'...Every time he goes on the track we have to notify air traffic control.'

"Sir, you've been downgraded to the baggage compartment."

Did you double dip?

'I'm afraid we're out of whisky, sir -- the pilot drank it all.'

'Radical snow removal method #23 at the airport.'

For the chemist on the go: Laptop gas chromatography/mass spectrometer.