Flight Humorist Pillows

'Next time the captain says to turn off your cell phone, just do it!'

'I'm afraid we're out of whisky, sir -- the pilot drank it all.'

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'Flight simulator'

"It's my helper trout!"

Vampire on a plane

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

Cow Pilot.

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

Two birds refuel.

Baggage Reclaim

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'