Flight Humorist T-Shirts

'Next time the captain says to turn off your cell phone, just do it!'

'I'm afraid we're out of whisky, sir -- the pilot drank it all.'

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'Flight simulator'

Vampire on a plane

"It's my helper trout!"

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

"Welcome to Trapeze Talent Inc. If you'd like us to catch you, fill out this form, and we'll get back to you if we're interested."

Cow Pilot.

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

Do you mind if I mix a little business with pleasure and have a brief conversation with the waiter about the fly in my soup?

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

Two birds refuel.

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

Baggage Reclaim

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

Airport Security. Sir, one of your tubs is empty. That one's got my dignity!

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

'Did you Gack this suitcase yourself, sir?'