Jet-setting Humorist T-Shirts

"I drink coffee for your safety."

Cow Blue Arrows

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'Flight simulator'

"It's my helper trout!"

"It's cheaper than coach, and he gets more legroom."

Vampire on a plane

'Thanks for flying in for the meeting.'

"How's my tripping you up?"

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

"Welcome to Trapeze Talent Inc. If you'd like us to catch you, fill out this form, and we'll get back to you if we're interested."

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

Airline: Arrivals, Departures, Missing Luggage and Missing Planes.

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

Man skated through airport with rollers on pull bag.

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

"It's me. I was going through a 'Bon Jovi Phase.'"

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

"Yes. I'm 100% sure it's your turn for a moonwalk."

"I told you there's no 11th flooooor!"

Baggage Reclaim

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

"There it is again, that tapping..."

Airport Security. Sir, one of your tubs is empty. That one's got my dignity!