Jet-setting Humorist Gifts

"I drink coffee for your safety."

Cow Blue Arrows

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

'Flight simulator'

"It's cheaper than coach, and he gets more legroom."

"It's my helper trout!"

'Thanks for flying in for the meeting.'

Vampire on a plane

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"How's my tripping you up?"

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

'My husband, Bill, works at the airport - I still haven't opened my birthday presents from three years ago.'

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

Airline: Arrivals, Departures, Missing Luggage and Missing Planes.

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

Man skated through airport with rollers on pull bag.

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

"It's me. I was going through a 'Bon Jovi Phase.'"

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

'Mars will have an oxygen atmosphere within six months. We just sent a payload of Kudzu there.'

Baggage Reclaim

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

"Yes. I'm 100% sure it's your turn for a moonwalk."

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."