Jet-setter's Humor Gifts

"It's cheaper than coach, and he gets more legroom."

Cow Blue Arrows

'Flight simulator'

Largest passenger aircraft ever built. "Why does it have to be so big?" "We had to make extra room for all the subsidy money."

'Thanks for flying in for the meeting.'

Dog on a plane.

"How's my tripping you up?"

"Hell: The Airport"

'Round-the-world ticket please!' - 'One way?'

"Have you decided where to travel?"

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

Airline: Arrivals, Departures, Missing Luggage and Missing Planes.

Man skated through airport with rollers on pull bag.

"It's me. I was going through a 'Bon Jovi Phase.'"

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"We want to fly the friendly skies, but only with friendly fellow passengers."

"There it is again, that tapping..."

'Wait, what's that on runway one?...Ok I got it, just another one of those budget carriers.'

"Sometimes I think the captain doesn't appreciate the seriousness of military maneuvers."

'Your excessive weight is a too-heavy carry-on and we must charge accordingly, excessively!'

Plane crash on football pitch.

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

"Any chance of an upgrade?"

Galley Christmas

Flight nap

"I'm fine. It's just...I miss the confinement."

"With our lives it's all abut the journey. With our luggage, it's definitely about the destination."

Sydney Airport - passengers called Barry, Sheila and Skippy.

"This is your captain. Welcome to Flight 112, non-stop service from Detroit to Tampa. For your enjoyment I made us a mix tape, which will begin shortly."

'Why isn't there zero tolerance to drugs and alcohol?'

'Want to buzz the airport?'

'When you said this was a three star hotel, I didn't expect to see them through a hole in the roof!'

'Can you recommend someplace where nothing is expected of us? Wilbur can't stand pleasure of any sort.'

"The first one depicts our sales compared to Snedly Electronics, and the second one depicts the speed of our corporate jet compared to Snedly's."

"There! Just like new!"