Jet-setter Humorist Gifts

'Your excessive weight is a too-heavy carry-on and we must charge accordingly, excessively!'

"We want to fly the friendly skies, but only with friendly fellow passengers."

Cow Blue Arrows

'Flight simulator'

'Thanks for flying in for the meeting.'

"It's cheaper than coach, and he gets more legroom."

"How's my tripping you up?"

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

Airline: Arrivals, Departures, Missing Luggage and Missing Planes.

Man skated through airport with rollers on pull bag.

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

"It's me. I was going through a 'Bon Jovi Phase.'"

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

"Yes. I'm 100% sure it's your turn for a moonwalk."

'Mars will have an oxygen atmosphere within six months. We just sent a payload of Kudzu there.'

'Sorry sir, the 'No Steak and Lobster Jokes' sign just came on.'

"There it is again, that tapping..."

"I'm fine. It's just...I miss the confinement."

'Wait, what's that on runway one?...Ok I got it, just another one of those budget carriers.'

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

'Except for that, how did the experimental plane perform?'

"Sometimes I think the captain doesn't appreciate the seriousness of military maneuvers."

Galley Christmas

"You think you're annoyed? The acoustics in here are terrible!"

'Next time the captain says to turn off your cell phone, just do it!'

"With our lives it's all abut the journey. With our luggage, it's definitely about the destination."

Sydney Airport - passengers called Barry, Sheila and Skippy.

"This guy's been acting kinda funny."

"There! Just like new!"

'When you said this was a three star hotel, I didn't expect to see them through a hole in the roof!'

"The first one depicts our sales compared to Snedly Electronics, and the second one depicts the speed of our corporate jet compared to Snedly's."

"We get your point about legroom, now please put them back in the cabin"

"As you'd expect, the control panel of a modern passenger jet is very complex."

"Why yes, it is my last flight. How'd you guess?"

Other than the countless probings, how would you rate your stay with us?