Comedy Enthusiast Of The Skies Gifts

"Arr, we found your luggage, Captain."

"Old timers are quick to tell me that the drive to Abilene was different in their day."

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

Escaping Black Hole - '..But captain that's the pensions black hole there is no escape!'

'That must be the guy from corporate.'

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

'Since you're wearing cargo pants, everything in your pockets is considered cargo and subject to a tariff.'

'Here comes the in-flight meal.'

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

'Captain, a passenger says there's a gremlin out on the wing of the plane.'

"Five bucks he opens it."

The Problem with the TSA

'Stop complaining. We can't afford business class any more.'

"A sad incident at LaGuardia Airport today as a depressed 757 landed and burst into tears."

"I always end up next to the weirdo!"

Two birds refuel.

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

"In the event of a water landing, your seat cushions may be used as flotation devices. And, your tray tables may be used to bash sharks."

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

I brake for Jetliners.

'I always ask for a seat in the tail. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain...'

'I‘ll be relieved when they invent the aeroplane, these long trips are playing havoc with my wings'.

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

'How the heck are we supposed to land on a runway that's upside down?'

'I went to wash the wheels on that European Airbus A380 by myself. I didn't know it had 22 wheels.'

'Once you're seated and have safely stowed all carry-ons, we'll start the bidding for seat belts.'

"The possibilities are endless!" "The possibilities ended."

'Your $5 gets your 3 minutes in the lavatory--now how much toilet paper would you like to purchase?'

"You think you're annoyed? The acoustics in here are terrible!"

I was telling him a story of my granddaughter's wedding.

The FS-2004 has a great new add-on!

'I'm sorry, we don't have chicken or fish. However, we do have a choice of surcharges. Would you prefer fuel, technology upgrade or new labor deal?'

'You imbecile!! Didn't i tell you to watch our altitude?! / A co-pilot accidentally flies too high ending up in heaven and smacking into an angel