Travel Satirist Gifts

"I have a terrible fear of flying coach."

To conserve energy our staff will not respond.

Motorway Services - Fool English Breakfast �99

"Well, they did say half-board."

'Welcome to 'Business class'...'

'I think we'd make better time, dear, if you'd stop less often to stretch your legs.'

Excess Baggage: Getting a souvenir you never asked for is as bad as having to watch videos of someone's vacation.

Carefree luggage.

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

Airport Security.

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

The Euro-Trash Trashcan

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

'Do you have any specific regulations concerning travelling with pets?'

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

"Didn't you just say that?"

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"We're off. We got a loan to fill er up!"

"I thought they just hibernated for the winter."

"My guess it's guacamole."

'If the GPS has to tell you, 'No, we're not there yet' one more time...'

Public footpath on a desert island.

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

Billy strip: comic will make you sick.

"Well, we did book the Grill Suite I suppose."

"I've got a better view on my smart phone."

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

Vampire on a plane

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.