Travel Satirist Gifts

"I have a terrible fear of flying coach."

To conserve energy our staff will not respond.

"Enough already with the TripAdvisor reviews."

Motorway Services - Fool English Breakfast �99

"Well, they did say half-board."

'Welcome to 'Business class'...'

'I think we'd make better time, dear, if you'd stop less often to stretch your legs.'

Excess Baggage: Getting a souvenir you never asked for is as bad as having to watch videos of someone's vacation.

Carefree luggage.

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

Airport Security.

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

The Euro-Trash Trashcan

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'Do you have any specific regulations concerning travelling with pets?'

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

"Didn't you just say that?"

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"I thought they just hibernated for the winter."

"My guess it's guacamole."

Attack of the Underwear Bomber

'If the GPS has to tell you, 'No, we're not there yet' one more time...'

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

"We're off. We got a loan to fill er up!"

Public footpath on a desert island.

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

"Well, we did book the Grill Suite I suppose."

Billy strip: comic will make you sick.

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.