Travel Humorist Gifts

Caution: Fork in road ahead.

"No, you're not in a box. You're in an exit row. And I need you to acknowledge that verbally."

"There is no air conditioning in the luggage compartment so stand up straight and stop licking your nose!"

"Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore. . ."

Val and Les could see a fork in the road but they weren't expecting a dip.

Road sign reads; 'Welcome to First Impression. Lasting Impression Next 3 Exits.'

'I know were migratory birds, but do we really have to do this every spring and fall?'

'Welcome to Florida. Do you know your evacuation route?'

"Damn the Germans got here first!"

'I saved 10 minutes at the hotel with speedy checkout, 10 minutes at the car rental with instant check in. Now I'm spending 6 hours on the runway.'

'I see you've been abroad again, Mr Pringle!'

'It's only until tourism picks up.'

A tourist sees that every sign leads the right way.

'Mapquest shows where we are. So what?'

"The flight time today is five hours in first class and twelve and a half in coach."

It's alright darling, I'm driving hands free

"Not only do they all speak fluent English, but they keep correcting your grammar."

Prison on an airplane

Check-in - 'Did you pack this case yourself Sir?' (case full of money)

"I'm not going anywhere special. I just really like airplane food"

'There's a fee for each carry on bag, including your bag of potato chips.'

'Any chance of an upgrade...?'

"The airline will review your claim in 90 days ... or you can take your pick of any bag off the next arrival."

'Quick! Page the flight deck, bring me oxygen, gloves, a mask and someone junior!'

'It was rated on all the travel websits, best economy cruise.'

We're frequent rowers. Any chance of an upgrade?

'The good news is that we've left the gate. The bad news is that they figure we'll be able to watch Titanic one more time before takeoff.'

"Either he really likes you, or you're under arrest."

'Please pay attention as the stweardess demonstrates our procedure for dealing with rowdy passengers.' (She wields baseball bat)

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.

'We're going to be doing a water landing! Please put these on immediately!'

Two witches at airport waiting with signs: One says 'Dorothy' and the other one says 'And Your Little Dog Too!'

What did you expect in economy class?

'That's alright Kenny, your dipstick says you've still got half a tank left...'

'This room has a water view if you use your smart phone. There's a video cam on the hotel roof.'