Travel Comedian Gifts

"And keep your eyes peeled for tobacco smugglers."

"I get it...you went south for the winter. Now, don't you think it's time to ditch the shirt?"

A turkey on a baggage carousel

Porcupine about to sit next to skunk on airplane.

DON'T TOUCH MY JUNK!

'Entering Pinestock - a case of the terminal cutes.'

'My travel agent sent me here...over a hot check I gave her.'

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

"If your luggage is in your clothes it doesn't count!"

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Airport Security.

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

The Euro-Trash Trashcan

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

'Do you have any specific regulations concerning travelling with pets?'

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

"Didn't you just say that?"

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"I thought they just hibernated for the winter."

"We're off. We got a loan to fill er up!"

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

'If the GPS has to tell you, 'No, we're not there yet' one more time...'

"My guess it's guacamole."

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

Billy strip: comic will make you sick.

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'

"Well, we did book the Grill Suite I suppose."

The leaning tower of Pizza.

Biliard Enthusiast

A pocket of pygmies - "Have you anything to declare sir?"

'Your luggage went to Bosnia-Herzegovina, sir, and I'm afraid they're holding it for ransom.'