Traveling Comedian Gifts

"The next time you have an 'emergency', have it on the roof like every other self-respecting bird!"

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

'Let's see your A.A.R.P. card, buddy.'

'Attention, Flight 1362...In our customer Lounge we're showing a short film: 'Blooper Reels of Strip Searches' to help pass the time...'

'Not that you fool, that's the engine.'

"Do you always have to over pack, Alice!"

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Airport Security.

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

The Euro-Trash Trashcan

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'Do you have any specific regulations concerning travelling with pets?'

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

"Didn't you just say that?"

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

"I thought they just hibernated for the winter."

"My guess it's guacamole."

"We're off. We got a loan to fill er up!"

'If the GPS has to tell you, 'No, we're not there yet' one more time...'

"If your luggage is in your clothes it doesn't count!"

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

"That reminds me. . . did you remember to pack the viagra?"

Billy strip: comic will make you sick.

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

"Well, we did book the Grill Suite I suppose."

The leaning tower of Pizza.

"Okay, ha ha, now seriously...Where's the rest of the nuts?"

'As a matter-of-fact I didn't pack my own bags...Well,well, well...Speak of the devil!'

Biliard Enthusiast