Comedian On The Road Gifts

Honk if you hate noise pollution.

'How come all the bad drivers follow you around?'

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

Airport Security.

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

The Euro-Trash Trashcan

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

Bob's Driving School.

"Didn't you just say that?"

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"I thought they just hibernated for the winter."

"If your luggage is in your clothes it doesn't count!"

'If the GPS has to tell you, 'No, we're not there yet' one more time...'

"We're off. We got a loan to fill er up!"

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

Billy strip: comic will make you sick.

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'

"Well, we did book the Grill Suite I suppose."

The leaning tower of Pizza.

'Your luggage went to Bosnia-Herzegovina, sir, and I'm afraid they're holding it for ransom.'

A pocket of pygmies - "Have you anything to declare sir?"

Biliard Enthusiast

Val and Les could see a fork in the road but they weren't expecting a dip.

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.

'HA! Your last chance 86 miles back.'

'One carry-on!'

"Admit it, you're lost!"

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

"Take me home now!"