Comedian On The Road Gifts

Honk if you hate noise pollution.

'How come all the bad drivers follow you around?'

Airport Security.

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

The Euro-Trash Trashcan

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

Bob's Driving School.

"Didn't you just say that?"

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

'If the GPS has to tell you, 'No, we're not there yet' one more time...'

"We're off. We got a loan to fill er up!"

"I thought they just hibernated for the winter."

"If your luggage is in your clothes it doesn't count!"

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

Billy strip: comic will make you sick.

"Well, we did book the Grill Suite I suppose."

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'

The leaning tower of Pizza.

A pocket of pygmies - "Have you anything to declare sir?"

'Your luggage went to Bosnia-Herzegovina, sir, and I'm afraid they're holding it for ransom.'

Biliard Enthusiast

Val and Les could see a fork in the road but they weren't expecting a dip.

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.

"Once again, how little did you pay for this room?"

"Take me home now!"

"I think I know why they call it 'Happydale'!"

'One carry-on!'

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

'HA! Your last chance 86 miles back.'