Traveling Satirist Gifts

'Then, to stop the spread, they burned the village and sent me home.'

Airport Security.

Physician tending a mummy.

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

The Euro-Trash Trashcan

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

"Didn't you just say that?"

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

"I thought they just hibernated for the winter."

"We're off. We got a loan to fill er up!"

'If the GPS has to tell you, 'No, we're not there yet' one more time...'

Public footpath on a desert island.

"I'd like to have a word with you about this spirit animal."

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

Billy strip: comic will make you sick.

The little engine that delegated

"I've got a better view on my smart phone."

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'

"Well, we did book the Grill Suite I suppose."

Litter Tray Stonehenge

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

The leaning tower of Pizza.

Alabama Traffic Jam

'Your luggage went to Bosnia-Herzegovina, sir, and I'm afraid they're holding it for ransom.'

A pocket of pygmies - "Have you anything to declare sir?"