Globetrotting Satirist Gifts

The Muscle in Brussels

Physician tending a mummy.

Sock Puppet in Literature

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"An Iraq attack is one thing, but I'm not sure about a Persian incursion."

'Secondhand smoke.'

"You have arrived at your destination."

"Now on view: Old paintings by dead white men through whenever…"

"You've once said about your work, 'Meow, meow-meow, meeeow.' What did you mean by that?"

'Don't believe everything you read.'

'Then, to stop the spread, they burned the village and sent me home.'

'Welcome to 'Business class'...'

'I'm really a painter and decorator - I only do this to pay the bills.'

"Your brochure led me to believe it'd have a more temperate climate."

"So how does New York stack up against Uzbekistan?"

"Well, they did say half-board."

" 'Perceptual and kinetic art have an intertwined development that cannot be totally disentangled; nevertheless perceptual, optical, or "virtual" movement—which always exists in tension with factual immobility—is an experience of a different order.' "

'We'd like to visit a peaceful police state away from any terror treats.'

'If this is a non-stop flight, how do we get off?'

How to deal with rude customers.

Slower than a rubber-tipped arrow,as powerful as a wind-up choo-choo, unable to step over his shoelaces, it's Copyright Free Man!

"Enough already with the TripAdvisor reviews."

Excess Baggage: Perhaps you should have washed those clothes before returning home form your overseas vacation.

Acmeville welcomes you to leave your carbon footprint here.

"And if I move Mercury over here, all the Libras go nuts."

"The reason why U.S. time is behind English time is because England was discovered first..."

SS Norovirus of the Seas.

'Your plane's been delayed 20 minutes...or however long it takes airplane glue to dry.'

'At $87,000, I'd say this comes from the artist's I'm-milking-this-for-all-I-can Period.'

'Reconstructive surgery'

"I'll miss drawing you, Bill Clinton."

Tail-piece to the Artists' Catalogue.

London on £50 a meal

"You've got a lot of excess baggage."