Time-traveling Satirist Gifts

Physician tending a mummy.

'Cannonball!'

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

COWMIKAZES

The little engine that delegated

'Secondhand smoke.'

'Ã…w, gee whiz, Mom -- all the other kids have velociraptors!'

"Really! A firecracker! Test his nerves! Where do you come up with these stupid ideas?"

The camouflage in vietnam was more comfortable

"You have arrived at your destination."

"You can count on my unloading the dishwasher in any number of alternate timelines. Now whether it occurs in this one..."

"Richelieu, Voltaire, Napoleon...no wonder you know so much about these people. I'm sure you met them personally!"

"Hey Alexa, make it nice and easy for hackers to keep tabs on everything I do and influence my voting intentions."

Titanic iceberg auction

'Then, to stop the spread, they burned the village and sent me home.'

'Now, what am I bid for this original Ough?'

'Welcome to 'Business class'...'

First Speeding Fine.

Why he always make pictures of him food?

You're Employment has been terminated -Smiley face lol

"Well done, doctor. I've never seen a phone removed from a hand so skillfully before."

"Your brochure led me to believe it'd have a more temperate climate."

"The planet appears to be inhabitable but more like low-income inhabitable."

"Drat! A flat tyre. . ."

"Believe me, nobody's going to care you had facial hair a hundred million years from today."

Sunset Romance

"Well, they did say half-board."

"Nothing about selling inside trade secrets?"

Y2K Solutions Inc.

"Who wants to talk to Santa? Anyone? Hello?"

"He needs his five-a-day."

Tortoise is snail taxi.

'Have you done any stand-up?'

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."