Time Traveler Humorist Gifts

Three-Martini science

'After all this time we've finally apprehended the suspect, sir!'

"Believe me, nobody's going to care you had facial hair a hundred million years from today."

'You know, King Richard here hasn't paid for his parking space since 1485. Who do I send the bill to?'

'Blimey,Doris - haven't the kids grown in FOUR weeks!'

"Excuse me is this early for Tuesday or late for Monday?"

"Richelieu, Voltaire, Napoleon...no wonder you know so much about these people. I'm sure you met them personally!"

"Really! A firecracker! Test his nerves! Where do you come up with these stupid ideas?"

"Drat! A flat tyre. . ."

Transylvanian backpackers.

Airport Security.

Physician tending a mummy.

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

The Euro-Trash Trashcan

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

'Hang on a second, I think I have a sand castle in my shoe.'

The Uber Ride of Paul Revere

"Didn't you just say that?"

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"I thought they just hibernated for the winter."

"We're off. We got a loan to fill er up!"

Airport Security. Just pass the wand over them, Ernie. Keep your "abracadabras" to yourself.

'If the GPS has to tell you, 'No, we're not there yet' one more time...'

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

'You know, there's no need to reinvent the rock.'

Billy strip: comic will make you sick.

'Our trip to Florida was great until Rob took us driving with the dolphins.'

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'

"Well, we did book the Grill Suite I suppose."

The leaning tower of Pizza.

Biliard Enthusiast

A pocket of pygmies - "Have you anything to declare sir?"

'Your luggage went to Bosnia-Herzegovina, sir, and I'm afraid they're holding it for ransom.'