Time-traveling Jokester Gifts

'Me invent the wheel!'

'I've invented a box that's got nothing on it tonight.'

'I don't think you can just claim to have invented doctoring. I mean. . . don't you have to be medically trained or something?'

First Speeding Fine.

'Ã…w, gee whiz, Mom -- all the other kids have velociraptors!'

"Note the arrangement of stones, the primitive inscriptions and drawings... Hopkins! We've discovered a prehistoric cartoon-a-day calendar!"

Airport Security.

Physician tending a mummy.

'You know, there's no need to reinvent the rock.'

"Really! A firecracker! Test his nerves! Where do you come up with these stupid ideas?"

"Richelieu, Voltaire, Napoleon...no wonder you know so much about these people. I'm sure you met them personally!"

"You can count on my unloading the dishwasher in any number of alternate timelines. Now whether it occurs in this one..."

"Hey! I was trained in 1948 and was good enough for then, so it's good enough for now....whipper-snapper!"

"Aha! - Proof that this is definitely an iron-age site..."

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

You're Here. Man, You Really Look Like An Idiot!

Why he always make pictures of him food?

Nelson.

"Believe me, nobody's going to care you had facial hair a hundred million years from today."

"So how does New York stack up against Uzbekistan?"

"People are way too casual when they fly these days."

'Oh darn........I forgot The Alamo!'

"Drat! A flat tyre. . ."

Customs caution: rabid tarantulas with AIDS inside

"... Yes, I know there's a hole in your ceiling. Why do you think we're called, the star view motel?"

Excess Baggage: Never let your wife pack for your business trip while she is mad at you.

Lav-Mummie

'Have you done any stand-up?'

"In my defense it is an exit and the line was really long..."

"Attention. This is your captain screaming!"

Pamplona bull instructions - Running with the Idiots.

'Uncle Oog isn't very smart, but he's a lot of fun to play horsie with.'

Caveman Dictionaries

"Daddy likes to be really... really early for flights."

'Hunting, gathering.... It's so hard to prioritize!'