Air Travel Skeptic Pillows

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.

What Europeans really think: 'Why waste fuel on transatlantic flights? Drill a hole to Jersey city.'

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

Vampire on a plane

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'

'Hmmph. Here's an ad for affordable housing five minutes from downtown. By what means? Learjet?'

'Can I ask you what you've had to eat this morning, Sir? . . .Have you evacuated your bowels since then? . . . I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for the additional weight.'

"I'll put this device onto flight mode when you put this plane onto flight mode."

"They become aggressive when you recline them."

Welcome to business class. Are you a member of big business or small business?

Flight Crew Lockdown Check List

Woman goes to Origami Airport.

"This is your captain speaking."

Going to Work. . .Coming Home

'Yes, I know. But my boarding pass clearly says 'B4'!'

'I'd like a first class ticket to wherever my luggage went.'

"So, when we stopped serving meals, I thought, why not see this as a marketing opportunity?"

A signaller directing pallbearers

'There's a fee for each carry-on bag, including your bag of chips.'

"That's why you're so familiar, we flew together yesterday!"

"I can't believe they put us in dog class!"

Man comes through luggage collection conveyor belt at the airport.

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

"You have luggage? - Oh, we don't do LUGGAGE any more."

"I never watch the safety demo. If we crash, they'll just save me."

"So how are things back in economy?"

' ... and that's a policy giving you flight insurance covering mid-air bankruptcies.'

"Please remove your shoes, realize you forgot to wear socks, accept your fate, and make peace with your god."

Asian Adventure Vacations

Pinocchio goes on holiday.

'Sorry sir, the 'No Steak and Lobster Jokes' sign just came on.'