Air Travel Critic Pillows

"We should have read the fine print more carefully before buying these cheap airfares."

Galley Plane.

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.

"Today's flight is overbooked. Is there someone who would accept a free travel voucher in return for teaching us how to correctly book a flight?"

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'

What Europeans really think: 'Why waste fuel on transatlantic flights? Drill a hole to Jersey city.'

'There is a $15 baggage fee... a $15 airport improvement fee... a $15 full body scan fee... a $15 pat-down fee...'

I Love This Job...Its Just The Commuting I can't Stand.

Pussycat says to Owl: 'This is rubbish, can we PLEASE do Ibiza next year?'

'Memo: Cancel flight.'

"Would you like a meal, Sir?"

'That tut, tut sound when you park..? It's your husband.'

"Can you believe my parents? Taking a 2-week cruise on my future inheritance!"

'Folks, the airline regrets the crash, but it will provide you a life jacket at one hundred dollars each.'

"I'm starting to think those rave reviews about this place are rigged."

ABC Airplane Food Manufacturing Co: Supplying Lame Jokes To Comedians for 35 Years.

'God was my co-pilot, but I was distracted by the stewardesses.'

'In retrospect, we should never have booked this titanic-themed cruise.'

"...and we're pleased to offer a complimentary glass of champagne to all those passengers who agree to go quietly in case of overbooking."

"You're in the wrong queue, sir. . . the 'Air-of-entitlement, upgrade-demands' counter, is over there."

Desert island 'Help' cards

'Passengers without a driver? Sounds like my local rail operator.'

'Is that the Acme Travel Agency? I'm complaining about the lousy food on board ship!'

'What the hey, Lorrain This is the last time we use your travel agent,'

Bag Men

"Show-off!"