Airline Critic Pillows

"...and we're pleased to offer a complimentary glass of champagne to all those passengers who agree to go quietly in case of overbooking."

Baggage Claim $25 First Bag.

'Are you sure this is an upgrade?'

Bag Men

"You're in the wrong queue, sir. . . the 'Air-of-entitlement, upgrade-demands' counter, is over there."

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

'...so if we can save enough maybe, just maybe, next year we'll be migrating courtesy of British Airways.'

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

"Arr, we found your luggage, Captain."

"It's my helper trout!"

"Today's flight is overbooked. Is there someone who would accept a free travel voucher in return for teaching us how to correctly book a flight?"

Turnkey Totalitarianism

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

'Wayne, your turn - Darren needs changing!'

'The shareholders are in an uproar; they demand change. Bob, switch seats with Gerald.'

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

"And that one shows my frequent flier miles."

Airline check-in with a bankruptcies update.

"We'll let you know when we find your luggage. Meanwhile, you qualified for our frequent lost luggage club."

"I only have one suitcase, so what's the problem?"

"You have luggage? - Oh, we don't do LUGGAGE any more."

"How many bags to check in, sir?" "Only one piece of hand luggage." (case in the shape of a giraffe).

"As a frequent flier, you'll be entitled to stay in our airport lounge for up to a week during delays."

Pussycat says to Owl: 'This is rubbish, can we PLEASE do Ibiza next year?'

Nothing to Lose But Our Knees

'As the plane is about to crash, we're offering passengers a complimentary drink.'

"Would you like a meal, Sir?"

'It's bad enough that the stupid cruise ship didn't pick us up...'

'I'm sorry, sir, but you can't use your frequent-flier miles because one of our blackout dates,,,'

Galley Plane.

'Wait, what's that on runway one?...Ok I got it, just another one of those budget carriers.'

'An authentic Viking experience, you said. The cruise of a lifetime, you said. It'll be awesome, you said.'

ABC Airplane Food Manufacturing Co: Supplying Lame Jokes To Comedians for 35 Years.

"Can you believe my parents? Taking a 2-week cruise on my future inheritance!"