Airline Critic Gifts

"...and we're pleased to offer a complimentary glass of champagne to all those passengers who agree to go quietly in case of overbooking."

Baggage Claim $25 First Bag.

'Are you sure this is an upgrade?'

Bag Men

"You're in the wrong queue, sir. . . the 'Air-of-entitlement, upgrade-demands' counter, is over there."

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

'...so if we can save enough maybe, just maybe, next year we'll be migrating courtesy of British Airways.'

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

"It's my helper trout!"

"Arr, we found your luggage, Captain."

"Today's flight is overbooked. Is there someone who would accept a free travel voucher in return for teaching us how to correctly book a flight?"

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

'Wayne, your turn - Darren needs changing!'

'The shareholders are in an uproar; they demand change. Bob, switch seats with Gerald.'

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

"And that one shows my frequent flier miles."

"I only have one suitcase, so what's the problem?"

"You have luggage? - Oh, we don't do LUGGAGE any more."

"We'll let you know when we find your luggage. Meanwhile, you qualified for our frequent lost luggage club."

Airline check-in with a bankruptcies update.

"How many bags to check in, sir?" "Only one piece of hand luggage." (case in the shape of a giraffe).

"As a frequent flier, you'll be entitled to stay in our airport lounge for up to a week during delays."

Pussycat says to Owl: 'This is rubbish, can we PLEASE do Ibiza next year?'

'As the plane is about to crash, we're offering passengers a complimentary drink.'

"Would you like a meal, Sir?"

Galley Plane.

'Wait, what's that on runway one?...Ok I got it, just another one of those budget carriers.'

"Can you believe my parents? Taking a 2-week cruise on my future inheritance!"

'In retrospect, we should never have booked this titanic-themed cruise.'

Airlines Charge For...Aisle seats, Exit seats, carry-on luggage...

"In the unlikely event of a water landing, your seat cushion is also a whoopee cushion."

ABC Airplane Food Manufacturing Co: Supplying Lame Jokes To Comedians for 35 Years.

'Is that the Acme Travel Agency? I'm complaining about the lousy food on board ship!'