Aviation Critic Gifts

"I knew that would happen with United Airlines! The little light above your seat says: 'Don't get too comfortable!'"

Humans...What is their purpose?

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

"Technically, it's a mammal."

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

Turnkey Totalitarianism

I suppose industrial pollution is the price of progress, but I still miss that old world atmosphere.

'The flight took off here...Then there's a big question mark over what happened next!'

Pussycat says to Owl: 'This is rubbish, can we PLEASE do Ibiza next year?'

Man crawling in desert finds sign reading 'Ignore your satnav'.

"I won't go near one of those driver-less things until they iron out the bugs."

Nothing to Lose But Our Knees

The boss said he could never replace me with a computer? That's right --- because computers sometimes experience power surges.

'It's bad enough that the stupid cruise ship didn't pick us up...'

'I hate these romance cruises.'

Think - But not too much.

'That tut, tut sound when you park..? It's your husband.'

Galley Plane.

'Some way we've got to get back the good old American know-how to make cheap crap.'

'An authentic Viking experience, you said. The cruise of a lifetime, you said. It'll be awesome, you said.'

"You may be a robot, but there's no need to speak to me as if I'm one."

'We'd like to take it for a test drive.'

"Can you believe my parents? Taking a 2-week cruise on my future inheritance!"

'In retrospect, we should never have booked this titanic-themed cruise.'

"...and we're pleased to offer a complimentary glass of champagne to all those passengers who agree to go quietly in case of overbooking."

"You're in the wrong queue, sir. . . the 'Air-of-entitlement, upgrade-demands' counter, is over there."

"If you require immediate assistance, press the pound sign."

"Engineers have actually found a way to fuel this car with the dignity you lose as you're driving it."

Insensitive driving school - 'That was crap.'

'You simply must eat at No 47! Their meal worm mix is to die for!'

'Is that the Acme Travel Agency? I'm complaining about the lousy food on board ship!'

"Show-off!"

'Are you sure this is an upgrade?'

'What the hey, Lorrain This is the last time we use your travel agent,'

Speed Bump