Airline Disdain Enthusiast Gifts

Excess Baggage: Many hotels, inspired by the airlines, are gouging their guests by adding 'resort fees' to the room rates.

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

'...so if we can save enough maybe, just maybe, next year we'll be migrating courtesy of British Airways.'

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

"Arr, we found your luggage, Captain."

"It's my helper trout!"

"How's my tripping you up?"

Fume Leaks on aeroplane - 'Perfume? Drinks? Air?'

'He's trying to figure out why airplanes get bigger while seats get smaller.'

'Wayne, your turn - Darren needs changing!'

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

'I'm sorry, sir, but there is a 25 surcharge to use the lavatory,'

"I know what the airlines charge to check a bag is outrageous, but. . ."

'There he goes over the bag limit again!'

'Since you're wearing cargo pants, everything in your pockets is considered cargo and subject to a tariff.'

On the monitors behind the check-in desk: Arrivals/Departures/Donations

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

"And that one shows my frequent flier miles."

"I only have one suitcase, so what's the problem?"

"You have luggage? - Oh, we don't do LUGGAGE any more."

"We'll let you know when we find your luggage. Meanwhile, you qualified for our frequent lost luggage club."

Excess Baggage: Meanwhile, back at baggage handlers university...

"How many bags to check in, sir?" "Only one piece of hand luggage." (case in the shape of a giraffe).

'Would yo like reading or non-reading?'

"As a frequent flier, you'll be entitled to stay in our airport lounge for up to a week during delays."

'For a little extra we can allocate you a seat inside the aircraft.'

'With my frequent flyer miles I was able to get a seat upgrade from the luggage compartment.'

"Ladies and gentlemen, please direct your attention to the safety presentation. It's the only way you'll know the difference between the harmless scarlet kingsnake and the deadly Eastern coral snake."

'As the plane is about to crash, we're offering passengers a complimentary drink.'

"The flights are 99p...but it's an extra £435.89 if you want to take them inside the plane!"

Excess Baggage: At times the cheapest ticket deals leave a lot to be desired.

"Frankly, your kindness and understanding are only making matters worse!"

Air Industry

"For People Who Enjoy Everything About Flying Except Being 30,000 Feet Up In The Air, There's The WIDE -BODY TRIAN!"

"Sir! Wait! You forgot your pile of soiled trash on the airplane seat!"