Airline Connoisseur Gifts

"We'll let you know when we find your luggage. Meanwhile, you qualified for our frequent lost luggage club."

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

The World Wide Web.

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

'I'm on my way!'

'...so if we can save enough maybe, just maybe, next year we'll be migrating courtesy of British Airways.'

"Passengers, as we begin our descent, you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

"Arr, we found your luggage, Captain."

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'

'Hmmph. Here's an ad for affordable housing five minutes from downtown. By what means? Learjet?'

'Can I ask you what you've had to eat this morning, Sir? . . .Have you evacuated your bowels since then? . . . I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for the additional weight.'

'. . . Just thought I'd drop you a mime!'

'I am on a diet! It's called the Wall Street diet. I invested in British Airways, and the first day I lost 500 pounds.'

Flight Socks.

"You can enhance your experience in first class by signing up to get live updates of how miserable everyone in coach is."

"How's my tripping you up?"

Due to recent cutbacks, several major airlines have eliminated their snack carts.

'I take it you've never used an air taxi before.'

Welcome to business class. Are you a member of big business or small business?

'He's trying to figure out why airplanes get bigger while seats get smaller.'

"They become aggressive when you recline them."

'I'm sorry, sir, but there is a 25 surcharge to use the lavatory,'

Going to Work. . .Coming Home

'Please restore all toupees to upright position.'

Flight Crew Lockdown Check List

'Wayne, your turn - Darren needs changing!'

'Oh no! He's instigated a no-fly zone.'

'Yes, I know. But my boarding pass clearly says 'B4'!'

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

"I know what the airlines charge to check a bag is outrageous, but. . ."

'And upon landing the pilot will give everyone in first class a hug.'

Woman goes to Origami Airport.

'There he goes over the bag limit again!'

'Keep an eye on that guy, I've got a feeling he could take off!'