Airline Connoisseur Gifts

"We'll let you know when we find your luggage. Meanwhile, you qualified for our frequent lost luggage club."

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

The World Wide Web.

'I'm on my way!'

'...so if we can save enough maybe, just maybe, next year we'll be migrating courtesy of British Airways.'

"Passengers, as we begin our descent, you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

"Arr, we found your luggage, Captain."

'Hmmph. Here's an ad for affordable housing five minutes from downtown. By what means? Learjet?'

'Are we there yet! Are we there yet! Are we there yet!'

'. . . Just thought I'd drop you a mime!'

'Can I ask you what you've had to eat this morning, Sir? . . .Have you evacuated your bowels since then? . . . I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for the additional weight.'

Flight Socks.

"How's my tripping you up?"

"They become aggressive when you recline them."

'He's trying to figure out why airplanes get bigger while seats get smaller.'

Welcome to business class. Are you a member of big business or small business?

'I take it you've never used an air taxi before.'

'Wayne, your turn - Darren needs changing!'

Flight Crew Lockdown Check List

"I know what the airlines charge to check a bag is outrageous, but. . ."

Going to Work. . .Coming Home

'And upon landing the pilot will give everyone in first class a hug.'

Woman goes to Origami Airport.

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

'Yes, I know. But my boarding pass clearly says 'B4'!'

'There he goes over the bag limit again!'

'Oh no! He's instigated a no-fly zone.'

'Please restore all toupees to upright position.'

'Keep an eye on that guy, I've got a feeling he could take off!'

On the monitors behind the check-in desk: Arrivals/Departures/Donations