Airline Aficionado Gifts

"Height and position? I'm six foot tall and in the pilot's seat."

'We have a problem, Bob! All the passengers back there are on the wrong plane. Even the attendants are on the wrong plane. Hey, wait - you're not Bob.'

On the monitors behind the check-in desk: Arrivals/Departures/Donations

'Would yo like reading or non-reading?'

'He's trying to figure out why airplanes get bigger while seats get smaller.'

Airport phones: Courtesy and Abuse.

'The airline just called and said our lost luggage should be here any time now.'

"I know what the airlines charge to check a bag is outrageous, but. . ."

Tony Fernandes

Excess Baggage: Meanwhile, back at baggage handlers university...

'With my frequent flyer miles I was able to get a seat upgrade from the luggage compartment.'

"Ladies and gentlemen, please direct your attention to the safety presentation. It's the only way you'll know the difference between the harmless scarlet kingsnake and the deadly Eastern coral snake."

Bob always reads the Passenger Information Card, just to see what it says about him.

Airport

"They loved me, couldn't get enough of me...Europe, Asia, U.S.! Then all of a sudden --WHAM! I'm out on the street...grounded."

Air Industry

"How's my tripping you up?"

'Can you recommend a vacation anywhere via an airline with plenty of legroom?'

"For People Who Enjoy Everything About Flying Except Being 30,000 Feet Up In The Air, There's The WIDE -BODY TRIAN!"

Worried Pilot Looking at Crash Test Dummy Boarding Plane

'Talking or non talking.'

'You're a day late, a dollar short, AND fifteen pounds overweight.'

'There he goes over the bag limit again!'

'The cost of your flight went up because we now include gratuity for parties of seven or more.'

'About these pork sausages. Yes sir, they double as life jackets.'

Excess Baggage: At times the cheapest ticket deals leave a lot to be desired.

It really bugs you when some other business is cheaper than you. Not cheaper, more efficient. This nation is build on competition. Investors put their money into the most efficient business. If airlines can charge captive passengers for coffee and water and pillows, they've set a new standard. The floodgates are open. Hence you celebration hat. I stole it from a little kid.

Listen up, people! I'm just one person. The airlines have set a new bar for efficiency. They are charging captive passengers for water and coffee. It's genius. How can we compete? Can we charge for bathroom time, straws, napkins, silverware

"If anyone on board is a rich source of potassium, please press your flight attendant call button."

"Frankly, your kindness and understanding are only making matters worse!"

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

Airlines

'What zip code are we in now?'

UK border controls relaxed.

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.