Airline Commentator Gifts

Prison on an airplane

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

'Oh great. Our luggage has been sent to Alpha Centauri.'

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'The recession is over, again.'

'Cartoonist thinking'

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

'He hasn't played a game yet, but there are people who have started whinging about him already.'

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

"It's my helper trout!"

"Arr, we found your luggage, Captain."

Sports Radio in Crisis

Tree of Public Opinion.

"Lord, save my ass from this Russia debacle, please!"

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Carl Shurz's attacks on President Grant are 'Played Out'

Fume Leaks on aeroplane - 'Perfume? Drinks? Air?'

Pundits

And now, for a rebuttal.

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

"As you can see here - slow the tape, guys - these sparks are coming awfully close to the truck's gas tank, an explosive situation indeed..." Every high speed chase needs a color man.

'Wayne, your turn - Darren needs changing!'

Chess on TV

"Actually, we will replace you."

The United States of Amazement

"This is gonna be great!"

Emergency Slide Height Limit.

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

Sportscasters on the Savannah