Airline Industry Buff Gifts

ACE Airlines. Ask about our frequent flier bonus plan. I think it's nice of the airlines to give frequent fliers a free ticket to anywhere. They can go get their luggage.

Airline Check-In. I'm going to have to charge you, sir. Technically, that's not a hat.

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

'Do you have any specific regulations concerning travelling with pets?'

Largest passenger aircraft ever built. "Why does it have to be so big?" "We had to make extra room for all the subsidy money."

"Arr, we found your luggage, Captain."

'And don't be afraid to ask for directions.'

Excess Baggage: Airline CEO's should be forced to work at the check-in counter explaining those hated add-on fees to passengers.

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

'I thought we'd never break through those clouds!'

"How's my tripping you up?"

'I'm afraid it's gingivitis.'

Safest Airline in The World

'He's trying to figure out why airplanes get bigger while seats get smaller.'

'Could be worse, Bunny. At least we're not flying on one of those.'

Under Capitalism, Expensive Equipment is Always, Unlike People, Innocent Until Proven Guilty

Mission accomplished.

'Wayne, your turn - Darren needs changing!'

Andy's first airplane experience was marred by his grandmother's stinginess

"I know what the airlines charge to check a bag is outrageous, but. . ."

'There he goes over the bag limit again!'

"Two for Bethlehem, I assume you want a Virgin flight."

"Let the epicurean feast commence."

On the monitors behind the check-in desk: Arrivals/Departures/Donations

'Since you're wearing cargo pants, everything in your pockets is considered cargo and subject to a tariff.'

'Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you the latest Airbus!'

"So, when we stopped serving meals, I thought, why not see this as a marketing opportunity?"

"And that one shows my frequent flier miles."

"On today's flight I've been informed of passengers with nut allergies, strong odor and lotion sensitivities, intolerances to fruit, veggies, meats. . ."

'Catching lunch again Steward?'

"Let me get this straight...your airline lets you layover in Hawaii for 24 hours and they trust you to come back?"

Excess Baggage: Meanwhile, back at baggage handlers university...

'Welcome to crash-test flight 000.Please take your seat.'

"We'll let you know when we find your luggage. Meanwhile, you qualified for our frequent lost luggage club."

Flyaway Airlines. Check In. Do you have any luggage? Only carrion.