Airline Industry Professional Gifts

'...I wish I were a model.'

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

Employee of the Month Parking

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

Giant Monkey sprays the pesty planes with 'fly spray'

Largest passenger aircraft ever built. "Why does it have to be so big?" "We had to make extra room for all the subsidy money."

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

"I always send a layover selfie back home, to let everyone know I'm safe."

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

Excess Baggage: Airline CEO's should be forced to work at the check-in counter explaining those hated add-on fees to passengers.

Gates A-B Taking Care of Business, C-D Funny Business, E-F Do Your Business.

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

Two airplanes

'I thought we'd never break through those clouds!'

'He's still following us, Don.'

"On time arrival...check. Paid for drinks...check. Made pleasant conversation...check. Didn't stare at mole...check."

'Ideally, I'd like a ticket to where ever my luggage is going.'

"Kindly place your seat in the upright position, extinguish all smoking material, fasten your seat belt, tie your tie, and adopt a serious and dignified demeanor."

"I'm number 846 on my salon's wait list. You?"

Under Capitalism, Expensive Equipment is Always, Unlike People, Innocent Until Proven Guilty

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

"You finished with your peanuts?"

"So far, my luggage has had a more exciting vacation than I have!"

"We are now in 'The Galley,' where flight attendants scavenge for food, hoard magazines, hide from passengers and over share details of their personal lives."

'Will that be coach?'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."

'Dear sir, thank you for your idea of a helicopter ejection-seat, but...'

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

'I'm happy to report our use of air sickness bags has declined sharply since we quit serving meals.'