Airline Employee Gifts

'This will be interesting, let's show them who's the chicken here.'

'We have a problem, Bob! All the passengers back there are on the wrong plane. Even the attendants are on the wrong plane. Hey, wait - you're not Bob.'

'Your luggage was accidentally sent to Singapore, sir, and you're being tried in absentia there for smuggling after-shave lotion.'

'I can book your reservations now. I'm checking listings for airline arrivals...departures...bankruptcies...'

Try Bob's Flight School

"No wonder we could get tickets."

'We're still not sure where your luggage is, sir, but we've got it narrowed down to either North Korea or Darfur.'

Budget Airline.

'I hear you work for the airlines. I bet you'd love to know about all of my horrific flying experiences...'

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

'This is you captain speaking...I have just been fired...so...good luck!'

'Ideally, I'd like a ticket to where ever my luggage is going.'

"Our fare structure is completely transparent, as anyone with a degree in higher mathematics can see."

'I usually fly first class but it doesn't compare to this super-duper, extra special, state-of-the-art, WOW class.'

"I'm sure he does bring you your slippers and your morning paper, but that still doesn't make him a service dog."

"I'll put you on the next flight, but first I have to type each of these keys ten million times."

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'It's been way easier to keep track of everyone since the Air Miles program.'

Working at the TSA...Pat-Down Fridays

'Yes, I'm age 68, just a few more years to go before retirement! Here's your ticket, sir. Greetings to the pilot, he's my dad!'

Airline baggage check in with no custom

Pilot buying good luck charms.

"Just when you think working for an airline couldn't get any worse."

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

"It says here you allow service animals. This is my emotional support squid."

'I feel your pain.'

"We use the metric system. Your frequent flyer miles are no good here."

"Rob stop! Don't answer it! You're off reserve, let it go!"

"No, my suitcase isn't leaking. This is my emotional baggage.....it's always weeping."

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

"I'm afraid your luggage is too large, sir. We'll have to charge a fee."

"There's that frantic thumping noise again."

"We have room on flight 24 for your luggage, but not for you."

"Hey Frank, I think I see your bag."

"This is your Captain speaking. . . As of 5 minutes ago I have been furloughed and will now work form home."