Aviation Employee Gifts

"Finally! A decent trip to pick up..."

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

The World's Easiest Airport

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

The World Wide Web.

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

Employee of the Month Parking

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

Largest passenger aircraft ever built. "Why does it have to be so big?" "We had to make extra room for all the subsidy money."

Giant Monkey sprays the pesty planes with 'fly spray'

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

"I always send a layover selfie back home, to let everyone know I'm safe."

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

Two airplanes

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

Gates A-B Taking Care of Business, C-D Funny Business, E-F Do Your Business.

"On time arrival...check. Paid for drinks...check. Made pleasant conversation...check. Didn't stare at mole...check."

'He's still following us, Don.'

'Ideally, I'd like a ticket to where ever my luggage is going.'

'Will that be coach?'

"I'm number 846 on my salon's wait list. You?"

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

"You finished with your peanuts?"

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

"Kindly place your seat in the upright position, extinguish all smoking material, fasten your seat belt, tie your tie, and adopt a serious and dignified demeanor."

"Could you pass me up? I'm in row one."

Under Capitalism, Expensive Equipment is Always, Unlike People, Innocent Until Proven Guilty

"We are now in 'The Galley,' where flight attendants scavenge for food, hoard magazines, hide from passengers and over share details of their personal lives."

"So far, my luggage has had a more exciting vacation than I have!"

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."