Airline Personnel Gifts

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

"We don't have anything right now, but we'll put you on standby."

It gets worse. Later they start selling scratch cards.

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

Servicemen.

'The fun begins when we go through airport security.'

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

Employee of the Month Parking

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

Giant Monkey sprays the pesty planes with 'fly spray'

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

"He wanted a heavily decorated cake for his birthday."

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

Two airplanes

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

Gates A-B Taking Care of Business, C-D Funny Business, E-F Do Your Business.

'I thought we'd never break through those clouds!'

'Ideally, I'd like a ticket to where ever my luggage is going.'

"On time arrival...check. Paid for drinks...check. Made pleasant conversation...check. Didn't stare at mole...check."

'He's still following us, Don.'

"Let's see, this one is cherry flavored, I think this one is blueberry ..."

Birds on the wing

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

"Kindly place your seat in the upright position, extinguish all smoking material, fasten your seat belt, tie your tie, and adopt a serious and dignified demeanor."

'Will that be coach?'

"So far, my luggage has had a more exciting vacation than I have!"

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

"You finished with your peanuts?"

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

'I'm happy to report our use of air sickness bags has declined sharply since we quit serving meals.'

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.