Airport Personnel Gifts

"Please remove shoes, jackets, anything metal."

'The fun begins when we go through airport security.'

"Do we allow a potential terrorist on board, or do we get sued silly for discriminating against the body mass index-challenged?"

'I was thinking dinner, drinks, an airport security 'pat down' and then call it a night.'

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Servicemen.

'Where was the TSA?'

Airport Security.

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

"I always check 2 bags, but one's just a sacrifice to the luggage gods."

The World's Easiest Airport

'We will be 3 minutes late taking off. . . the pilot has to piddle.'

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

TSA Noah

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

Employee of the Month Parking

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

The Scanner Of Love.

"At least this year she got rid of the seat belts."

"I'm afraid there'll be an excess baggage charge on your Filofax."

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

Giant Monkey sprays the pesty planes with 'fly spray'

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

'I dont know about you, but I've got the feeling we're in for long flight delays...'

"He wanted a heavily decorated cake for his birthday."

A Little Extra

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

Disinformation booth.

Attack of the Underwear Bomber

Einstein discovers that time can stop completely.

Limerick Airport

"Your driver will arrive in 4...9...17 minutes after three accidental loops around the airport."

'Next plane to Los Angeles is at 3.'