Airport Staff Gifts

"OK, head on down then take the second lane on the right, hang a left then first right, up ahead is the runway. You can't miss it."

Airport - You are here ... Your luggage is here.

Incontinental Airlines: 'Okay sir, will that be a window, an aisle or a bathroom seat?'

Einstein discovers that time can stop completely.

'On behalf of Charter airlines may I apologise again for the delay while the plane is being built.'

"I get my best ideas in airports, peeking at other people's laptops."

'Dang! Crashed again! Oh well... I've got to get to my flight.'

'What do you mean you left the keys on your dresser?!'

'How the heck are we supposed to land on a runway that's upside down?'

Believe me VHT=003. You are too low!!

Airline Mergers.

'Your Ebola test came back negative, but your stress ulcer needs treatment.'

'Where's air traffic control?'

'Either he really likes you, or you're under arrest.'

Going through the wringer at airport security

Hi Jack! - Plane passengers confuse greeting.

Tired of being slowed down at airport security, Vince began to travel in only a pair of Speedos.

"You're free to go, sir. But, seriously, I'd get that prostate looked at."

"Either he really likes you, or you're under arrest."

Honest Airport: Cancelled, On Schedule, Delayed.

'Radical snow removal method #23 at the airport.'

Baggage Arrivals - Lone suitcase, woman crying 'Oh Darling! It's been so long...'

Santa Claus waiting at an airport's baggage claim for his sack of presents.

Arrivals: 'Check out our web site at www.air.arr'Departures: 'Check out our web site at www.air.dep'

Emotional Baggage Handler

'Well, could you describe the bags?'

'I'm afraid it's gingivitis.'

'If she bites, you've got 18 seconds to suck the poison out,'

Bag lady at carousel.

'I hear you work for the airlines. I bet you'd love to know about all of my horrific flying experiences...'

On the monitors behind the check-in desk: Arrivals/Departures/Donations

"You did say you wanted an earlier flight."

"I always get stuck in the wrong line."

'You're a bit low on approach, Flight 203!'

TSA Security