Airline Staff Gifts

'Trade you seats?'

"I'm sorry, but the flight of the bumblebees has been cancelled."

"Maybe they've oversimplified the cockpit controls."

On second thought, let's de-ice the wings.

'You're charging me for TWO seats; an extra fee for my trunk, and now you've stopped giving out peanuts!...and you call yourself a JUMBO jet.'

'You didn't read the small print, sir - Your ticket restricts you to a seat kicked continuously by a small child.'

"Mayday, Mayday...we've lost control!" (Boy playing with personal pc behind pilot).

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

'OK everyone, standard brief - I take two cups of coffee before take-off, another with lunch and a twenty minute bathroom break on decent.'

"The flight time today is five hours in first class and twelve and a half in coach."

Flying for dummies.

"No, we're good. This gentleman accidentally touched my breast and I accidentally broke his nose."

'Fish or chicken?' - Pilot has the choice of 2 types of airline food at home.

'Uh-oh, here comes the all-nighter crew.'

'There's a fee for each carry on bag, including your bag of potato chips.'

'Since you're wearing cargo pants, everything in your pockets is considered cargo and subject to a tariff.'

"This is GX-730, and I'll be your autopilot on today's flight..."

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.

Arrivals Departures Bankruptcies

'Such work commitment has to be rewarded: The ticket is free Sir...'

'I'm happy to report our use of air sickness bags has declined sharply since we quit serving meals.'

'Due to the job cuts, you've been upgraded . . .to pilot!'

'Tower, we are ready for takeoff.'

First ClassEconomy ClassNo class.

'Do you have any seats with extra leg room?'

"I don't tolerate unruly passengers."

'I am not checking this because it's my purse.'

'The airline's in trouble, isn't it?'

'He's still following us, Don.'

'Wait a minute! I thought you guys couldn't fly!'

"Doctor Finkelstein is here to ensure you're not carrying any excess emotional baggage on board."

'This is Captain Girard...if anyone back there wants to get a hold of me, I'll be on Facebook...'

Cabin crew dilemma

Safest Airline in The World

"Do you have a seat in business with a view of economy?"