Airline Staff Pillows

'Trade you seats?'

"I'm sorry, but the flight of the bumblebees has been cancelled."

"Maybe they've oversimplified the cockpit controls."

On second thought, let's de-ice the wings.

'You didn't read the small print, sir - Your ticket restricts you to a seat kicked continuously by a small child.'

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

"Mayday, Mayday...we've lost control!" (Boy playing with personal pc behind pilot).

"The flight time today is five hours in first class and twelve and a half in coach."

'OK everyone, standard brief - I take two cups of coffee before take-off, another with lunch and a twenty minute bathroom break on decent.'

"No, we're good. This gentleman accidentally touched my breast and I accidentally broke his nose."

'Fish or chicken?' - Pilot has the choice of 2 types of airline food at home.

'There's a fee for each carry on bag, including your bag of potato chips.'

'Uh-oh, here comes the all-nighter crew.'

Flying for dummies.

"This is GX-730, and I'll be your autopilot on today's flight..."

'Such work commitment has to be rewarded: The ticket is free Sir...'

'Since you're wearing cargo pants, everything in your pockets is considered cargo and subject to a tariff.'

'I'm happy to report our use of air sickness bags has declined sharply since we quit serving meals.'

Arrivals Departures Bankruptcies

'Due to the job cuts, you've been upgraded . . .to pilot!'

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.

'You're just the kind of person we're looking for to test our airplane seats.'

"Do you have a seat in business with a view of economy?"

Giant Monkey sprays the pesty planes with 'fly spray'

"This is your captain speaking. All 264 of your passengers want me to make an emergency landing so you can use your electronic devices. Prepare for landing. . ."

"I like to come out here and watch planes sit on the tarmac for hours, then see everyone get kicked off and rebooked for tomorrow."

"I don't tolerate unruly passengers."

'Hey, great flying there captain!'

"Would you like a meal, Sir?"

'This is your passenger speaking. Where the hell is my coffee?!'

This Side Up - At All Times

"When I said to turn off all electronic devices, I didn't mean you!"

'Sir, your suitcase is quantitatively challenged.'

Please do not feed the flight attendants k thx!

"Ladies and gentleman, the cabin door is now closed. You may now celebrate the triumph of an empty middle seat in your row."