Airline Crew Pillows

'Eject! Eject, eject eject!! Aw crimony. I've hit the button 6 or 7 times, Cap'n. And the darned CD still won't come out.'

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

Warp speed to 31 Greenbrook Drive, Number Two!

"It's me. I was going through a 'Bon Jovi Phase.'"

"This is your captain speaking...."

"On time arrival...check. Paid for drinks...check. Made pleasant conversation...check. Didn't stare at mole...check."

'Before you 'hop-off'... you left your false leg on the 'plane, sir!'

'Don't worry, dude, that's not the intercom -- here, gimme the manual.'

Lost plane keys.

"Back! Back! Rows twenty and higher only!"

Bidding

"Why yes, it is my last flight. How'd you guess?"

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

Bev puts on an old favorite

"What is your hot meal of the day?"

"Sorry for the diversion folks, but our radar picked up a Starbucks with a crew line."

"The Last (Leftover First Class) Supper"

Please fasten your seatbelts.

'Miss, dogs have baby dogs, so why don't your planes have baby planes?'

'What about change? Do you have any change in your pockets?'

"Don't worry, dude, that's not the intercom -- here, gimme the manual."

REFUEL - FULL SERVICE

'The fun begins when we go through airport security.'

"Would you like some wings?"

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

Newlyweds. . . 10 Years Married. . . 25 Years Married. . . 50+ Years Married.

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

Employee of the Month Parking

Giant Monkey sprays the pesty planes with 'fly spray'

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."