Airline Worker Pillows

"This is your pilot speaking. I'll be working from home today."

Airline Charges

'I don't like the looks of this! - That's our captain!' (at an airport, on seeing a parachute-wearing pilot)

Notice to travelers: 'Delayed' is the New 'on time'.

Volcanic eruption wasn't me - Gordon Brown

Airline: Arrivals, Departures, Missing Luggage and Missing Planes.

The latest security measure in flying.

You know it's going to be a long day at the airport when you get behind a lineup of nuts all wanting to test the new TSA 'small knives allowed' policy...

People at airport look at information board showing strike action and union membership cancelled.

"Ohmygosh a bucket of perfect ice, how did you know?!"

"Any chance of an upgrade?"

The Flying Timeshare,,,starting at only 3000 miles: 'Ask me,'

"Mr Jones is getting increasingly frustrated with the attitude of airlines"

"Where is Wanda? Probably lying down on the job again!"

Much baggage looks similar. Please check stubs.

Steve was innocently playing with his flags when, all of a sudden, something terrible happened.

'Another strike?'

'I probably shouldn't have drank that coffee. It always makes me crash in the afternoon.'

"For a small upgrade fee. I can seat you with safer passengers."

"How did you even do that?!"

'Yes,I know this isn't a nudist beach but my luggage is still at Heathrow!'

'It's OK, dear the regular pilot has 'phoned in sick!'

'It's a BAA break down.'

'Alright, Captain, are you ready to play 'Chicken'?'

"Hey, I got a job with the airlines. Not exactly sure what I'll be doing, but I'm excited."

Mime Artist's Driver

"Flight time is approximately 3 seconds and - I won't lie to you folks - it's a bit choppy up there."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

Employee of the Month Parking

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

Giant Monkey sprays the pesty planes with 'fly spray'