Airport Security Staff Gifts

Why do I need a CAT scan? I just had a whole body scan at the airport.

Airport Security

super heroes have to undergo pre flight scans.

"For your comfort, you will be searched by someone of your own level of sexiness."

3.3 Ounces

Pre-Flight Check

"I'm afraid I'll have to fondle that chicken, m'am."

"It really is flour."

Airport Security. I had to go through the security pat-down three times --- They had trouble believing this is just my body and I'm not hiding anything. (Published originally on May 13, 2011.)

Airport Shoe Scanner.

'If everyone was armed, there'd be no need for metal detectors!'

Birds talk about flying...we land in the Hudson all the time - no big deal.

'Hold it right there, Buster!'

"She's demanding to be patted down again."

When air travellers do stand up.

Excess Baggage: Perhaps you should have washed those clothes before returning home form your overseas vacation.

UK border controls relaxed.

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

'The fun begins when we go through airport security.'

'Where was the TSA?'

Airport Security.

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"I always check 2 bags, but one's just a sacrifice to the luggage gods."

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

The World's Easiest Airport

TSA Noah

'We will be 3 minutes late taking off. . . the pilot has to piddle.'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

Employee of the Month Parking

"I'm afraid there'll be an excess baggage charge on your Filofax."

Dogs stealing cat food - Vice Squad orders 'Stay!'

The Scanner Of Love.

"At least this year she got rid of the seat belts."

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."