Airport Security Officer Gifts

'Could you maybe fax a copy of this to my radiologist?'

"Yeah, but it doesn't smell like a bomb!"

'Of course, a full-body scan can be done more cheaply if you go through airport security.'

"You can pack this back up now."

'Could you take a quick look and see if I lost a filling on the upper left row of teeth?'

Airport Body Scanner.

"Look, it's either this or the full body scan!"

'I couldn't afford a physical but the TSA guy at the airport seemed to think I was fine.'

'It's just that I never know what to pack.'

Please Advise Us If You Are Especially Ticklish On Any Particular Part Of Your Person!

'Not so fast, kid. You got any photo I.D.?'

'Our body scanner has broken down, so I'm going to have to imagine what you look like with no clothes on!'

'I'm sorry, Madame, but you've got to pass the scanner one more time!'

'The best part is being able to fly without taking off your shoes.'

"No seatbelts, no pilot's license, no flight plan - you're grounded, buddy!"

"Look on the bright side...you'll be here for all eternity, which is still better than the TSA security lines this travel season..."

"3 ounce liquids! Get your 3 ounce liquids here! Approved and ready for screening! 3 ounce liquids!"

"Personal use."

Rocker boots go through airport security

Noah performing X-ray security checks for the ark.

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

Profiling.

'Jenkins won the health savings award with his suggestion that we have our employee hernia checks done at the airport by TSA agents.'

'Did you pack the bag yourself?'

'Sometimes I really LOVE this job !'

'No! No! No! You're supposed to be looking for bombs, not tennis balls! Bombs!'

'I travelled here for cosmetic surgery, that's why I now don't resemble the photo.'

Naked man at airport security - 'He's a keen supporter of airport security checks.'

'This chap's been through every day since we got the new scanners.'

A woman walks the red carpet during a security screening.