Security Officer Gifts

"Right, the next couple through we'll strip search!"

In Case Of Whistle-blower Break Glass.

'We have some facts about you that you don't remember, some that you thought were really secret, and some that never even happened.'

Data security officers run frantically out of reactive data security room, while another data officer relaxes in the predictive data security room.

'Contract? No contract. We do all our business with nothing more than a handshake.'

'Well I'll be darned, I guess he is allowed.'

You are Here. We know where you've been.

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

'I'm very concerned about the surveillance society.'

'Knowledge is the ultimate weapon. Next!'

"Wir sind vom Nachbarschaftswachkomitee. Wir haben gehört, dass Sie eine gefälschte Rolex tragen."

Security/Insecurity.

"Please, don't hurt me—I have a wife, and I'm gradually becoming O.K. with the possibility of having children!"

Desert Island with CCTV.

'Sir, the stupidity of your actions was directly proportional to the number of surveillance cameras watching you.'

School Signs of the Times.

Neighborhood Watch.

'As Boss of this gang I'm in charge of Strategy; Fingers you head up Acquisitions; Tiny: Security; and Speedy: Transport. Leaving our intern Hugo, as Health & Safety Officer, to do the Risk Assessment.'

Tired of being slowed down at airport security, Vince began to travel in only a pair of Speedos.

"I just feel safer in one of these."

"An impressive resume, General, but remember - department-store security is different from national security."

'Remove the 'I love heavy metal' T-shirt and walk through again.'

"You're fine, but your teddy bear can't come in until he's properly vetted."

"Damn! I forgot to disconnect my personal alarm system."

Privacy Conference Security

"I don't think you can blame the Bank for an individual failing to follow procedures...I mean we have told people on several occassions not to empty the vault and take all the money home."

Smart drug pharmacy was vigilant about upholding health privacy laws.'

'Oh my lord, they've turned into pillows!'

Privacy Conference Security Checkpoint

"You're free to go, sir. But, seriously, I'd get that prostate looked at."

"When it comes down to it, Jim, security is a personal responsibility."

A TSA checkpoint at a school bus stop

"I always get stuck in the wrong line."

'Something's come up that isn't covered in the security guard's handbook.'