Safety Officers Gifts

"We offer a comprehensive benefits plan that covers everything from minor cuts to nasty scrapes."

"That was a nice smooth stop. My one concern is that it was right on my truck!"

"They never told us what carrying twenty times our own weight would do to our knees."

Make the Subway Safe

Og falls asleep at the wheel for the final time.

'Your resume is certainly impressive, Mr. Simmons, but do you have much on the job experience?'

"Who would have thought we should have included a chapter in the H&S handbook telling staff how to sharpen a pencil without skewering their heads."

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

'You know too much,'

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

Airport Security.

Please Drove Carefully.

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

TSA Noah

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

Executive ignores wet floor warning and slides down hall

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

The Scanner Of Love.

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

Better times ahead.

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

"We'll get there when we get there!"

"The crash-test rating on this puppy is off the charts!"

Scarecrows guarding a field

'Mum...Dad's barbecued his face again.'

No caption (A crash test dummy in the shape of a bird flies toward a window. Other birds dressed as scientists study the experiment from the ground).

'Mind you don't wake the baby.'

"I spy with my little eye…"