Safety Officers Gifts

"We offer a comprehensive benefits plan that covers everything from minor cuts to nasty scrapes."

"That was a nice smooth stop. My one concern is that it was right on my truck!"

"They never told us what carrying twenty times our own weight would do to our knees."

Make the Subway Safe

Og falls asleep at the wheel for the final time.

'Your resume is certainly impressive, Mr. Simmons, but do you have much on the job experience?'

"Who would have thought we should have included a chapter in the H&S handbook telling staff how to sharpen a pencil without skewering their heads."

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

'You know too much,'

Airport Security.

Please Drove Carefully.

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

Executive ignores wet floor warning and slides down hall

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

TSA Noah

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

'Nobody ever before had took much notice of Granny's homemade flour-sack bloomers.'

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

Better times ahead.

Scarecrows guarding a field

"Careful."

"We'll get there when we get there!"

'Mind you don't wake the baby.'

"The crash-test rating on this puppy is off the charts!"

'Mum...Dad's barbecued his face again.'

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

Time Out For Teddy

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules