Security Personnel Gifts

"I'm starting to really like the smell of cocaine."

"They're fake. Part of the new false sense of security system."

'You do a fine job guarding the place, we just need you to shed less.'

"Oh, can't complain."

"Pandora's Carry-on"

Immigration - 'You haven't got enough points to re-enter the UK.'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

Privacy Conference Security

'Your Ebola test came back negative, but your stress ulcer needs treatment.'

'It's titled 'Art Thief'.'

"Mr. Harrison already sees you."

Bluewater security man stopping baby with hood.

"Okay, I guess....first we had a lockdown drill, then we had an active shooter drill. Following that we had a fire drill. After that we got to meet out security guards. Then we watched a video on avoiding sexual predators...."

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

"Keep your eyes peeled Jenkins - another photocopiers gone missing."

'Sure, Sarah's through there, go straight through.'

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

No one liked working the red-eye shift.

Mexican taking a siesta. Telescope coming out of top of his Sombrero,

'We're having trouble getting your taster though the doorway, Sire!'

Surveillance Society - 'I didn't see anything.'

Sign on Secret Service door: Could be out to lunch.

Lamp post.

"No I'm not a sniffer dog, I've just got a cold."

"I'm sure they're not targeting you personally."

James Bond Getting Old and Playing

"Would you please come with us, Sir?!"

Armed Response Unit.

'Either he really likes you or you're under arrest.'

'Is this a bomb in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?'

"The new government whip takes the job seriously!"

"Looks like crime is down."

"The club scene is really changing."

"Alert security, the buck has failed to stop here and is loose in the building."

Stun-gun target practice.