Airline Professional Gifts

'I thought we'd never break through those clouds!'

"What are you doing outside of coach?"

"Bigelow, let's try and set this thing down just once without saying 'Oopsy-daisy.' "

Risk Assessment

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Angels await for their baggage around carousels.

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

An old-time engineer enters the cockpit on a flight.

Employee of the Month Parking

Giant Monkey sprays the pesty planes with 'fly spray'

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

Largest passenger aircraft ever built. "Why does it have to be so big?" "We had to make extra room for all the subsidy money."

"I always send a layover selfie back home, to let everyone know I'm safe."

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

"Rule #1: don't offer to carry anything!"

Gates A-B Taking Care of Business, C-D Funny Business, E-F Do Your Business.

Two airplanes

Excess Baggage: Airline CEO's should be forced to work at the check-in counter explaining those hated add-on fees to passengers.

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

Getting out of baggage fees is tricky, another sweater or two and I'd be charged for an extra seat.

"On time arrival...check. Paid for drinks...check. Made pleasant conversation...check. Didn't stare at mole...check."

'He's still following us, Don.'

'Ideally, I'd like a ticket to where ever my luggage is going.'

"You finished with your peanuts?"

"So far, my luggage has had a more exciting vacation than I have!"

Under Capitalism, Expensive Equipment is Always, Unlike People, Innocent Until Proven Guilty

"Kindly place your seat in the upright position, extinguish all smoking material, fasten your seat belt, tie your tie, and adopt a serious and dignified demeanor."

"I'm number 846 on my salon's wait list. You?"

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

"We are now in 'The Galley,' where flight attendants scavenge for food, hoard magazines, hide from passengers and over share details of their personal lives."

'Will that be coach?'

"RAF Recruitment Waiting Room."